Sex and Networking - How Are They Similar?

Humans need humans.

Contents

• Foreword

• I. What if I can’t do it at all?

• II. Intentional downgrade after a break

• III. The win-win principle

• IV. When one becomes a tool for the other

• V. B12

• VI. You're your ethnicity in Europe

• Final Word

Foreword

I'm Nadir Sönmez. I'm international.

I work in theater, cinema, and the arts. So far, the people I've had sex with and those I've networked with have mostly been separate. Considering the industries I'm in, this isn't typical.

In the text you're about to read, based on personal observations and experiences, I've identified parallels in how these two worldly phenomena operate. Drawing from case studies, I've prepared practical suggestions. This booklet will help you update your skills in both sex and professional life.

Without the people I've had sex/networked with, this guide wouldn't exist. I owe thanks to everyone who, knowingly or unknowingly, contributed to this work at the intersection of self-help and social sciences.

I. What if I can’t do it at all?

When sex/networking first approaches, it causes anxiety. It may feel like you're attempting something others are skilled at but you can never master. Because both actions' instinctiveness is camouflaged with a social armor.

Aging individuals, to extract money from the young, systematize and market naturally occurring interactions. This is called experience. First, the spontaneity of sex and networking is obstructed. These two are elevated to a status only approved when done institutionally. (Examples: Family, museum, etc.)

Then, sex/networking begins to be done secretly, accompanied by provocative signals that leave the outside world curious. A creak from the parents' bedroom or the laughter of the upper class rising from a VIP event with guest control at the door... These are traps set so that the young person believes they lack something they inherently possess.

Our first sex/networking experiences may seem humiliating in hindsight. You might have gone to great lengths to obtain what you thought you missed. When these unpleasant memories surface, remember that some continue to do it with the person or people they first did it with, and let gratitude fill you.

II. Intentional downgrade after a break

In sex, the criterion for partner selection is preference; in networking, it's professional position. After a period of inactivity for any reason, to reactivate, you might turn to people you wouldn't normally consider. Suspending pride activates karma. The mood elevation experienced by someone who doesn't expect to be chosen for sex/networking will resonate with the universe, triggering you to engage in sex/networking with someone of your own or higher league.

If you feel ashamed after doing this, try to relax by remembering that everyone does it.

III. The win-win principle

Sex and networking should offer equal opportunities to both participants.

During networking, is the person trying to give you things that are usually purchased in the outside world as gifts? Be cautious; you might be facing a transaction where you won't receive payment.

When you encounter someone socially who once made you work overtime for free, don't be the first to greet them to avoid feeling indebted again. Let them approach you. This positions them below you on the networking ladder. When returning the greeting, crush them with your gaze, but let your smile be warm.

You won't encounter the person who gave you work under the guise of sex in social settings. They're probably at home.

IV. When one becomes a tool for the other

In May 2023, at a cruising bar in Berlin, I approached a man I had my eye on and learned he was a playwright. My intention for sex resulted in networking, and I gained a professional acquaintance.

Has the opposite ever happened to you? Have you ever had sex with someone you approached for networking?

While engaging in networking/sex, you might become overly planned and strategic over time. Not everything is under your control. Sometimes, let sex/networking find you.

V. B12

When I started frequently encountering actor W. in 2017 due to our shared social circle, I thought, "I wish he were gay, but he doesn't give off that vibe." A few months later, when I saw him in One Direction, I thought, "Oh, he is gay." That same evening, when we made eye contact while greeting, I thought, "I recognize this look from somewhere." After a while, memories resurfaced, and I recalled a night we spent together in the early 2010s.

Realizing you've experienced someone you were cautious even to desire is surprising.

Just like in sex, it's possible to forget someone you've networked with. In this case, don't use the phrase "I have a terrible memory for faces." This makes you someone who thinks they're good at other things.

VI. You're your ethnicity in Europe

These ears have heard things...

Sex

"Baise-moi, Pacha"

A French real estate agent.

"Turkish guy like you, oh my god..."

A Polish educator.

"Evening Italian food, night Turkish sex..."

A French police officer.

Networking

"There are Turks who founded a queer collective in London; you should talk to them."

A German festival programmer.

"You produced a work about gay porn stars who committed suicide... In a place like Istanbul?"

Director of an art institution in Paris.

"I really love Nuri Bilge Ceylan's cinema."

Anonymous

Final Word

Humans are primarily physical and social beings. We start engaging in sex and networking much earlier than we think. The important thing is to obey those who try to teach us how to do sex/networking for a while and then take revenge on them.

If you engage in sex/networking with few people, you'll think you know what you want and who you are. You'll live under the illusion of having a stance in life. This is called self-confidence. If you do it with many, you'll learn a common language spoken only by those who do it with many. This is an exclusive language without translation.

There will be times after sex and networking when you hate yourself. You might feel alienated by how you did it and how eager you were to do it. Don't worry. This is called civilization. Over time, the pain of the world's hierarchical nature will lessen, and after a while, you'll want or have to engage in sex/networking again.