A SOBER TURKISH ARTIST'S GUIDE TO SEX IN BERLIN

In may 2023, I was in Berlin for the International Forum program of Theatertreffen, Germany’s most established theatre festival.

To be selected for this program, which brings together theatre professionals from all around the world, one needs to produce works that deal with current social issues.

What makes Theatertreffen unique is its annual selection of the ten most exceptional German-language theatre productions.

The forum group I was part of in 2023 diagnosed major representation problems in the selection: white feminism in the feminist play, white gayness in the gay play, and a general flaw of white Germanness in the others.

An artist like myself, whose political responsibilities are endorsed by Theatertreffen, cannot remain limited to theoretical critiques. Our duty is to live in real life what we want to bring to the stage.

Therefore, despite the busy festival schedule, I made sure to visit as many gay establishments in Berlin as possible. I did what any performance artist who works with their body would do without hesitation in order to contribute to solving the representation problem on the German stage.

What makes this guide extraordinary is that the artist sharing these experiences did not use any drugs during their 21 days in Berlin and drank only one single 33cl beer.

I dare say, among the men I had sober sex with, you won't find a single white European…

BOSE BUBEN – Serbian

I entered Bose Buben with a warm welcome from a bartender who looked like he had been standing there since the 90s. It was the most aesthetically pleasing sex club I’ve ever seen. Wandering through its floors and themed rooms felt like walking through the set of a brilliantly art-directed porn film.

First, I observed daddies having sex in a room on the ground floor, furnished like a bourgeois salon. Their rhythm was calm. Instead of spiraling into wild frenzy, they focused on the intoxication of pleasure—accessible sex, comfortable seating, and a nonchalant familiarity that comes with being over forty.

While exploring the second floor, I spotted my target. We never spoke, and only later I learned he was Serbian. What happened between us isn’t something I want to lessen by putting it into words. After we drifted apart, I showed maturity by giving him space. But shortly after, the Serb started hooking up with someone else. I felt a melancholic spark ready to mourn how quickly I was forgotten, but I shut down my inner melodrama and strolled around like a composed European who has learned to tame primal urges with civility. Then I witnessed the Serb flirting with the new guy. Since talking was allowed in sex clubs, I could no longer suppress the possessiveness of my Middle Eastern heart. I pulled him aside at the first opportunity and declared my love. I chose to listen to his eyes instead of his romance-resistant words and invited him to my hotel, where our knees would touch during a cab ride.

I’m proud that I had checked Bose Buben’s calendar even before arriving in Berlin and picked the day I would go—and that I didn’t let one of the most beautiful nights of my life get lost to Berlin’s culture of personal distance.

TOM’S BAR – Romanian

This bar had a distinct charm on a quiet weekday and a different one during the weekend rush.

I enjoyed watching men who appeared hygienic both in thoughts and clothing upstairs, shed their class-based warmth and slip into a universal indecency in the spacious downstairs darkroom.

Here I fooled around with a sexy, muscular blond guy from Romania who looked like a Bel Ami star. For a moment, I thought I had returned to my Casanova days in my twenties. But once I realized how high he was, it was hard to credit myself for the success.

Boiler Sauna – Egyptian & Ukrainian

Boiler Sauna offers a visually rich sex experience: blue-lit cabins like labyrinths, steam rooms turning bodies into silhouette shadows, and a voyeur-friendly jacuzzi behind glass. It combines the right techno with the right decibels, stimulating every sense.

On my first visit, I made love with a Ukrainian guy through mutual soft massages. While lying in an embrace, he told me about the history books he had been reading.

On my second visit, I hit on an Egyptian man without realizing he was someone I had chatted with on Grindr back in Istanbul. When we said “I like you” to each other during sex, it was, in my vocabulary, the English equivalent of saying “aşkım” (“my love”) in Turkish during sex.

FICKEN 3000 – Iranian

I’m not sure if it was because I went without a plan or any expectations, but Ficken 3000—despite the cigarette smoke—was the gay venue that made me feel most like I was in a film. I went twice.

I approached a charismatic man whose familiar eyes scanned the room. When I found out he was a French-speaking Iranian playwright, I was surprised that my libido—rarely taking me to people like myself—had guided me there.

What I like about intergenerational gay friendships came back to me during a walk along Landwehrkanal, where that man in his early fifties and I talked about love and loneliness.

NEW ACTION – Israeli

Although I was very curious about leather bars and had a visual admiration for the leather fetish, I wasn’t in a position to invest in a costume for a one-time visit. Wearing jeans and a shirt, I showed up at the door. They let me in, probably assuming I’d lower the average age inside.

Wandering around a bar full of leather-clad men without adhering to the dress code was a true test of civil courage. I enjoyed the voyeurism in the bathrooms, the raw quickies in the bright labyrinths, and the soft kisses that weren’t stifled by macho outfits.

I connected with an Israeli guy here. Later, when I moved on to Bull, right next to New Action, I was content with just watching.

LAB.ORATORY – Polish

A prestigious institution located next to Berghain. It hosts the ritual where gay men transition into rough gay men.

At Lab.oratory, sex resembles Instagram stories—You don’t know when or from whom it’s coming, how long it will last, or when it will end. When it starts, it’s exciting; when it ends, it leaves behind a hard-to-live-with emptiness, pushing you to seek consolation in the next one.

Just as stories shared within a green circle can make you feel special, the intimacy I felt locking the cabin door with the Polish guy approached the closeness of a WhatsApp message.